I have always loved my country, even when things are difficult, even when elections didn't go my way.
I remember going to bed on election night 2000 with high hopes that Gore would win the presidency with Florida safely in his pocket.
I remember being furiously angry that Bush managed to win re-election in 2004, hopeless and sad in the face of more war.
I remember celebrating in college when Barack Obama became our first black president, rushing out onto the green of my super-liberal campus in the middle of the night into a crowd, a feeling of pure joy.
I don't know how I feel right now. I'm awake at 2am because America has elected an actual monster as president because racists felt empowered to vote. I've seen some of the breakdowns. We minorities turned out. We waited in long lines. We donated. We put out a massive ground game. We called people. We canvassed. We did all the right things.
But the racists still won anyway.
We have always been surrounded by racists, sexists, the worst of human nature, but it's rarely felt as visceral as it has tonight. This is the ugliest of America, come to show its face in the voting booth.
We have voted in as president a man who can't be trusted with a fucking Twitter account. Even worse, the Republicans control all three branches of government, including both the House and Senate. Things will get uglier for so many people.
I live in a liberal bubble. I and my parents are US citizens. I have a comfy, bleeding heart liberal job in an industry that is always in more need of people like me. This only goes so far when it comes to federal policy, of course, but it helps soften the blow.
I can only hope the accelerationists are right. The ones who thought a Trump presidency would usher in a 100 years of light or whatever because he would burn it all down and we could start all over again. I thought the accelerationists were full of crap, because their ideas would mean that a lot of people would be hurt along the way. I can only hope that they are right, because now, a lot of people will be hurt for no reason with no light at the end of the tunnel.
The better people on my social media networks have been gearing up for a fight. Not like an armed revolution sort of thing, but the long slow slog of a political fight for the soul of America. I want to be like them, to put today (yesterday?) behind us and focus on what we can do to make our future better, brighter, safer. A future that I want America to have.
Maybe tomorrow I'll have the strength for that fight. I want to have it. But for now I'm going to go back to bed. It can wait until morning.This entry was originally posted at http://thedeadparrot.dreamwidth.org/596702.html. You can comment there using OpenID or you can comment here if you prefer. :) comments there