thedeadparrot (thedeadparrot) wrote,
thedeadparrot
thedeadparrot

oh god, they should not let me near the internet

Fuck, I am at the point in my Sherlock obsession where I can (and want to) AU the shit out of anything.

Like, for example, I am watching The Thingy of Whatzit Quantum of Solace. Clearly, this calls for an AU where Sherlock gets roped into MI-6 by Mycroft after he graduates, because it's better than letting him get bored enough to do drugs on a regular basis. And Sherlock is resistant at first, but then he can run around a lot and get shot at and also study all different and interesting sorts of people and make them give him things. Plus, he was going to wear all the smashing, gorgeously tailored suits anyway.

On a routine mission in, IDK, Italy or something, Sherlock ends up in the middle of a chase and has to steal a British ex-army doctor's moped with said British ex-army doctor still on it. (Mopeds are totally cool, and John would totally have one.) Even when they manage to escape, this means that John is now in danger too! Oh no! This must mean that John has to help Sherlock do whatever highly dangerous and confidential mission stuff he needs to do.

Sherlock isn't used to working with other people in any sort of extended capacity, but he is fascinated by the way John handles a gun so comfortably and how John seems to take danger in stride. In short, Sherlock really wants to jump John's bones, except that there are more pressing matters to attend to.

Then, in Paris, one of Moriarty's henchmen shoots Sherlock in the abdomen during an extended action scene that may or may not involve a car chase. (And of course, Moriarty is the Bond villain. He's practically a Bond villain as it is.) They can't go to a hospital and so John is forced to BE A BAMF DOCTOR in their hotel room and treat it there. And that, of course, means Sherlock wandering around all half-naked and bandaged and John with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows washing blood off his latex gloves and showing off his tan lines. Um, not that I am particularly attached to those mental images or anything. It's entirely possible that they have some "yay, we're in an action movie and we're still alive!" sex right then and there.

After that, they run around a lot more as Sherlock tries to stop Moriarty from hijacking the Bruce-Partington Project and all the missiles related to that. There is a confrontation in the pool involving explosives, but this time John runs around trying to disable all the snipers while Sherlock has a vicious hand-to-hand combat fight with Moriarty. Five bazillion containers explode EVERYWHERE in the background for better lighting effects. And in the end, Moriarty gets the crap kicked out of him, Mycroft swings in with the cavalry and a bon mot, and Sherlock is all happy with a job well done.

Of course, the epilogue takes place in Mycroft's very white and stainless steel office, where Mycroft is telling Sherlock that he will be getting a long term partner for his missions. Sherlock is, of course, sulking about this, because he thinks people are stupid, and he works perfectly well without other people mucking it up. Well, he sulks right up until the point where John wanders in wearing a sharp suit. Sherlock is like 0.o, and John is like, "Sorry about that. We didn't think you'd accept it any other way."

And Mycroft is like, "Yeah, we recruited him right out of Afghanistan."

And Sherlock is like, "Fine, I'll work with him I guess," in a way that would totally be more convincing if he wasn't trying to eyefuck John at the same time.

THE END.

I swear I'm actually making progress with yuletide, despite the way this may look. I promise. I have a premise! I have a bunch of words related to that premise! I have ideas for more words! I count this as progress.

Also, thanks to everyone who helped me out yesterday! I am obviously feeling a lot better today, and your help is much appreciated!

This entry was originally posted at http://thedeadparrot.dreamwidth.org/481421.html. You can comment there using OpenID or you can comment here if you prefer. :) comment count unavailable comments there
Tags: goddamn plot bunnies
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