January 27th, 2010

self-portrait me

(no subject)

I am so behind on responding to comments and a lot of other things, but I'm just feeling really tired and unhappy. Not sure I have the energy to comment with enthusiasm right now.

Classes started today. I'm usually too stressed out and focused to be depressed about this, but I need to take four classes and pass them all this semester to graduate. I did grad-student-fail a class last semester, and I'm worried about that happening again, because if that happens, I don't get my degree. Two classes I wanted to take this semester have been scheduled right on top of one another. And one of those is scheduled right on top of another class I'm thinking about taking.

I dunno, you guys. I'm not TAing this semester, and I have accepted a job offer, and both of those things mean that I suddenly have a lot more time and a lot less stress. But I'm worried about getting through the next few months without going through a mental breakdown. I love CS, and I love this department, but I think I may have reached a point where I'm just sick of it. My parents were really pushing me towards a PhD program, and I think it's good that I decided against it. Because another 3-4 years of this sounds like hell on Earth.

I feel like I'm stuck in that really ambivalent stage of life, where you're not really sure where you're headed or even where you want to be headed, and it sucks. A lot.

I don't think I'm cut out for this whole "adult" business. I'm sure things will look better in a few days, but at the moment, it's mostly just a soul-sucking vortex of unpleasantness.

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staring at the sun

(no subject)

Thanks for all the support in the last post, you guys! Sometimes, you just gotta let it all out.

Anyway, in happier news, I've written a couple of porn battle ficlets! I've been sort of challenging myself to pick up prompts in fandoms I've never written in before, because I like dabbling in new fandoms.

Sherlock Holmes

Caught - Irene Adler/Mary Watson. prompt: diamond


Places - G Callen/Sam Hanna. prompt(s): public, gay bar

And I'll have you know that almost immediately after I caught up with my comments, I was suddenly behind on them again. Well, I guess it could be worse.

This entry was originally posted at http://thedeadparrot.dreamwidth.org/458434.html. You can comment there using OpenID.